I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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