I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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