nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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