Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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