I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
