dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
