the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
