At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
