mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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