Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
