yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
