He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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