I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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