i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
