I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
