I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
