for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
