and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
