Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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