We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize