Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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