I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just tell him i said nine months
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
