we have pet lesbian snakes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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