i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
