think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My ass is underappreciated
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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