Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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