Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
