I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
