Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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