I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
