There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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