I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
