Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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