Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
