My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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