What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
