someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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