I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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