it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
