You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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