Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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