I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
