We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
