do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
