I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
