I forgot how hot balto sounded
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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