I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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