You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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