A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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