he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
