youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
