Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
