i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
