I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize