ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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