i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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