You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
