okay pat passed out under dana's car
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
