Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
