lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think your dad took our porno
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
