so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
