It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
