Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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