I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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