Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
