Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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