She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
