There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
