New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he thought i was a dude.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
