you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
