Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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